Empowered Complaining

Empowered Complaining

Complaining with a Purpose

The idea is to create a safe space for the individual to complain knowing that before they are done they will need to decide what they will do about their dissatisfaction.

People will divide into groups of three. One Seeker and two Allies.

People engaged in co-empowerment
Especially the Seeker

need to be willing to be emotionally vulnerable, supportive of themselves and others. A working relationship of trust and support is vital.

This opens the possibility of personal power/insight and reaching potentials unavailable to us as individuals.

The Seeker will share with the allies, people or situations in their lives about which they are annoyed or distressed. The seeker will be encouraged to complain vehemently and passionately.

The Allies support the seeker by asking penetrating questions which guide the seeker into the process of self discovery/awareness.

Allies will watch for times when the seeker is emotionally charged and help the seeker delve deeper into those issues. They are looking for a common thread or pattern that may help the seeker discover the crux of the matter or a core issue to focus on.

What does this have to do with you?

The seeker having defined the specific and larger problems, these questions explore how the seeker maintains this problem in their lives.

What’s at stake here for you?

Why does it upset you?

Does this serve you?

In what ways does it serve you?
In what ways does it not serve you?

In what ways are you taking responsibility for your emotions? Or not?

How are you making this problem worse?

What would you have to be willing to give up for things to be different?

Getting to the core

This is a generalizing inquiry – it is likely that this issue is a part of a larger or more fundamental concern in the person’s life – define that.

What’s under this issue for you?

What’s the worse part?

How is this connected to other issues in your life?

Do you see this issue/pattern in other places in your life?

Are there other key pieces?

What is the crux of this issue for you?

Are there early memories or early childhood experiences that are triggered by this issue?

What are you feeling about this problem? What is underneath that feeling? What needs are not getting met? What are the feelings about that?

Where are the most intense feelings about this?

Is there a place where this resides in your body?

Allies are looking for the “big picture”, how specific problems are often reflections of a larger pattern and what are these core issues.

The allies will next move the seeker to look at their involvement in the problem.

Finally the allies will encourage the seeker thru their questions to take responsibility for some concrete step that they are willing to take.

The allies principle tool is deep questioning, helping the seeker discover their own insights and answers. It is very difficult to not automatically give suggestions or solutions. Recognize that the more you can let the seeker find and state their own answers, the more likely they are to embrace them. If you have insights that you can not resist sharing, tell it as a personal story.

The perfect nag

is the long term role of at least one of the allies.

The perfect nag is an ally who works with the seeker after the co-empowerment workshop is completed and reminds them of their contracts and/or commitments to themselves.

Once the seeker has succeeded with current contracts, the perfect nag will help them design new milestones of progress.

The perfect nag is in ongoing relationship with the seeker and needs the seeker’s full cooperation. The nag is perfect, because the seeker has contracted in advance how and what they wish to accomplish and how they desire to be nudged.

Tips for Allies

Allies monitor the seekers response looking for emotionally charged points and bringing the focus back to these as opportunities for discovery.

It is an important roll of the ally to make sure that the seeker feels heard and acknowledged

Giving the seeker time for reflection, allowing silences, taking time to talk with the other ally about how you want to proceed with the questioning provides space for the seeker to be self reflective.

Sample questions are provided for each stage of the process.

Getting started

These questions are designed to get the seeker complaining.

What is a current situation in your life that upsets you?

Who are you pissed off at?

What (or who) really bothers you?

What anger or hurt are you avoiding looking at?

What is one thing in the last week that upset you?

What are you upset about? What else? What else?

If you had a magic wand, what one thing in your life would you change?